Education, Philosophy, and thoughts of the world.

My mind hurts and my body aches. The energy I have exerted in thought has left me fatigued and with a dizziness of sight. I pose again with reiterating thoughts if it’s meaningful, is there purpose, and now is it worth it? Have I allowed myself to be trapped in a world of abstractness and candy cane fantasies of what should be? This where I begin to become consumed with thoughts of escapism. Could I leave all this behind and be content with new directions in life or thought? Do I need new context or some basis on which to judge my work and goals? If it comes to light that all this has been or becomes a matter of vanity and egoistic fulfillment I will retire myself and my thoughts as well as destroy any material that I feel to be inauthentic or done in vain. My wrestling with these ideas has come from a teetering and pursuit of finding activist and conscious individuals who understand the world in a deeper context outside of themselves. As I sit in University classes listening to other peers and professors, I realize that the worlds they live in are the same physical areas as everyone, but the realities are far more disparate (in some abstractness) than probably realized. The propositions of having the thought of the non-scholarly person (in this sense I mean someone with out the collegiate certificate) enter into consideration with regards to the issues and topics seems confounded to most. Why do we leave out those that we are working to help or understand? We cannot be caged mice and look through the glass walls of our cage with a safeness and abstinence from the others outside. We rest in comfort without risks. We fear consequences and participate in a menial comatose life of conformity and comfort. What happens if we only do one great thing to change the world? Is that not enough? If we never let the world, not academic world, change us how will we ever change the world. We must experience, not always vicariously through publications, but experience the things we fear the most. We must experience the negative consequences to experience the positive consequences. When we become awakened and conscious then we become enlightened. This need not be with academic facts or knowledge, but the truth of knowing ourselves. Once we know ourselves then we know the world in a very different light as almost if for the first time. When we reach a small moment of consciousness it is at first unsettling, but then it settles in with a calmness and feeling true to the essential being or self. No orgasmic flow will match the intensity of an enlightened moment of consciousness of the world and of the self. This can be sought during a time of relation with another. Enlightenment comes in a sense of calmness in looking at the person as if for the first time. When we are able to become enlightened and sustain such enlightenment then we begin to see and appreciate the things around us and the people we come in contact with. That first moment will be sustained and repeated each time you gaze up your significant other, taste a piece of fruit, or smell the morning air. Perhaps my thoughts are just thoughts. Take what you will if you read them, but take the most valuable piece that influences you or strokes a particular thought. The world is what it seems and is elusive in what it is. Find in your world a purpose and meaning of what you do with some consciousness of how you are